Epic Product Fails: What Not to Buy

It’s bound to happen- 
someone will recommend a product for you, you buy it, your hopes are high, you try it on, and you hate it. This is normal- sometimes, it’s the wrong product for your skin type, and sometimes (like, in my opinion, the products listed below), the cosmetic company has failed to deliver a good product. I’ve dug out a few of my least-used products (well, the ones that I haven’t already thrown out (I’m talkin’ to you, purple cream shadow)) in hopes that I can jump in front of this beauty bullet for you- don’t waste your money on these duds.

Clinique Quickliners (for eyes and lips)

I feel that I should have brand loyalty after working for Clinique, and in fact am fiercely loyal to some of their skincare and makeup products. This is not one of them. These have minimal color payoff, tug at the skin around your eyes (which is a HUGE indicator that you should not be using the liner you’re using- eyeliners especially should glide over your lids), and, assuming they were not too dry to use from the moment you unboxed them, they shortly will be. The eyeliners are also difficult to blend. The lip liners- ugh. Terrible color selection, and an even worse texture- it’s like mixing wax and clay and painfully drawing around your lips with it. Clinique, you can do better.

Maybelline Color Studio Eye Tattoo (in Painted Purple)

Now here’s a product I can get behind - brilliant, bold, flashy cream shadows from a drugstore brand? Oooooooh, yeah…. oh, wait. All of them hit home runs (even the neon orange, which should not, by laws of God and Nature, have any right to be that pigmented)- except for this purple shade. It’s embarrassing. Guys, we figured out pigmented purple in the eighties. This has GOT to be one of the most sought-after shades (purple looks great on everyone), and it’s the biggest fail- sheer, waxy, not-true-to-color-in-jar. What’s most angering? Look at the model in the photo wearing the shade. Not unless they used a full bottle on each lid. Just sayin’.

Revlon Colorstay Whipped Cream Foundation

I have recently purchased (and am decently fond of) Revlon’s Colorstay foundation. The Colorstay Whipped Cream Foundation was supposed to be a spinoff of this product- and when I purchased it, I was swayed by the lovely (albeit hefty) glass packaging, and fooled by the name, thinking this foundation would be light and airy. Wrong. The end result of this foundation is a tacky, mask-y, thick mess. It’s almost like your skin can’t breathe because the foundation is so thick. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a full-coverage foundation- but this is not full-coverage, it’s just full-gloop. You know you’re in trouble when the foundation doesn’t look good even right after you put it on. Go for the original.

Maybelline Baby Lips

Another product I had heard quite a bit about- I purchased one of these on a whim and was given another as a gift. The first I bought was a sort of taupe-y, baby pinkish color- what I had hoped would be a great, lightweight, toss-in-your-bag-and-go lip color. Unfortunately, the ingredients that lend some shimmer to this lip balm also make it fairly gritty- not what you want in a product that's supposed to improve the texture of your lips. When I was given the clear, minty balm, I had hopes for redemption, but sadly, this one felt super oily- almost like those roll-on lip balms you would get from the rollerskating rink when you were a kid. I still keep the minty one by my bed to use before I go to sleep, but it’s just because it’s there. I’ll be happy when it’s gone and I can purchase something else to replace it (or, you know, use one of the 50 other balms I already have).

Maybelline Eye Studio Master Shape Brow Pencils

Sorry, Maybelline- you do some great work, but your new product lines aren’t hits with me. I was thrilled- THRILLED- when I finally saw a drugstore brand come out with an eyebrow pencil for redheads. I’ve heard that redheads aren’t supposed to use pencils/brow colors with any red in them, but when I use “blonde” or “taupe” colors, the ashy contrast makes something look wrong on my face. So, of course, I was very excited to try Maybelline’s new brow line- and even bought one in taupe to balance out the auburn color. Waxy, waxy, bad color matches, waxy. No matter how sharp you get these babies, no matter how light a touch you use while drawing them on, these pencils feel like Elmer’s glue sticks on your brows. I’ll just have to stick with my expensive Clinique Superfine Brow liner in Soft Auburn- just waiting for the world to come around and give a faux-redhead some more viable options.







L’Oreal Infallible Never-Fail Lip Color

Great color, terrible wear. This has the same problem most long-last color-then-top-coat lip products (think Covergirl Outlast) have- they have AMAZING color payoff, they look beautiful for a bit, and then they start to wear off. Badly. They feel tacky, doughy, and drying- and if you try to retouch them, it just adds to the mess. Don’t waste your money here- instead, buy a great colored lip-liner and use that as a base for a similar color of lipstick. You’ll have long-wearing, easy-to-touch-up color.

Essence Volumizing Lash Powder

IT BURNS!!! I was so excited to try this- I’m a junky for lash-extending gimmicks. Only four dollars at Ulta, and Essence is a pretty good brand for the money. When I put it on, however, IMMEDIATE REGRET. Essentially, what this product is is tiny little white fibers that are supposed to affix themselves to your first coat of mascara so that your second coat can build on top of them and make your lashes look fake. Which would be awesome, but instead of attaching to the first coat of mascara, these little fibers go straight onto your wet eyeball. AND IT FEELS LIKE DEATH. Seriously. I tried this right before a night out- and my eyes would not stop watering. Great concept, Essence. Epic fail on the outcome.

Hard Candy Glossaholic  

Tasted like poison- threw out immediately. Enough said. Don’t waste your $ here.

Make Up Forever Smoky Lash in Dark Blue

All I can say is ,”Yeah, right.” I spent something like $22.00 on this mascara at Sephora- it was awful. Take a good, hard look at the model’s lashes. To get that blue color, they had to LOAD the product on there. Not cute. When I used it as I normally use my mascara, it was not at all blue- instead, it was a gross navy-gray-black color that made it look almost like I had just used some old mascara that I’d found under the seats of my car. Not a fanimal.

Urban Decay De-Slick Oil Control Makeup Setting Spray

Another disappointment. Supposed to help makeup stay on longer- I tried this over, under, in between- the product just doesn’t do what it says it does.

Physician's Formula Shimmer Strips Eyeshadow Palettes



Physicians formula is not my favorite brand. They have some stellar products (neutral eye shadow quad, concealers), but these eyeshadows are kind of a hot mess. They’re designed to be 9 colors placed next to each other in one giant, striped brick- about as functional as it sounds. You can see from the photos that there seem to be duplicates of colors throughout the palettes- this is also true in real life. The color payoff is bad, the sections are so small that trying to isolate your brush in just one is a task, and the actually shadow is chalky as best and un-blendable at its worst. I knooow the packaging is cute, but you’d be better off with Wet-n-Wild or an ELF pallette. Or save up and splurge on the Urban Decay Naked Palette. 



NYX Full Coverage Concealer

NOT full Coverage. Certainly not “Above & Beyond.” Like this brand, despise this product. Goes on heavily, sits in fine lines, doesn’t blend well, cakes and separates, making your eyes look worse than they did before you concealed.  Don’t say your product is something it isn’t. Tsk, tsk, NYX.

E.L.F Waterproof Eyeliner Pen

ELF has let me down. Tried this product a few years ago, tried it again recently- the product appears watery, blue-ish, faint. Not what anyone wants in a liquid liner. Sorry, ELF. You can do better.










E.L.F High Definition Powder

Another shady product from Elf. This product has fairly high reviews on most websites, which is surprising to me. It’s supposed to be a dupe for Makeup Forever’s HD Powder- in essence, its function is to disappear on the skin as though there were no product whatsoever, then make your makeup last for ages. I found the product abrasive, chalky, and veeeeeery drying- almost like I was powdering with baking soda. Next, please.

Victoria's Secret Perfumes

This product smelled great in the store- but when I got it home and opened my own bottle, there were little waxy-looking flakes floating around the bottle. It may have just been old, but it certainly turned me off to the product. Do yourself a favor- if you’re able to look at the actual bottle of something you’re about to buy before you buy it, do it. It’ll save you the trip to return it later. Not knocking all VS products, here- just be careful that you’re getting a usable product. 










So, there you have it! My least favorite products of the moment. Disagree? Have your own product woes to vent? Comment below!